Do you know of those horribly annoying motorized scooters that you stand on? It is like a razor scooter with a lawn mower engine attached. Let me tell you a few facts about this type of ahem-vehicle.
1. You must be 16 to ride one.
2. You must wear an approved motorcycle helmet.
3. You may only operate this type of vehicle during daylight hours.
4. You should never never never drive anything without a muffler unless it is your express desire to make people around you crazy-and eventually, after long term exposure, no longer responsibe for their actions.
There used to be a family next door. They had a young teen age boy. He was 13 when they lived here. He wanted to be tough and mean and there were moments when he was, but mostly he was from a broken home, young and sad. As we moved in we had a hard time with him. We would pull up with a load and as we were bringing in boxes he would step right in front of us or lean on the truck and block us from getting stuff out. If we tried to introduce ourselves he would yell "I don't care who you are!" All of our attempts to communicate with him were unsuccessful. So we ignored him. The Wife and I can igonore someone right into non-exsistence, a skill we have learned from city living. This really shocked him and after 2 or 3 months he didn't bother with us anymore.
Other people on the street were not so lucky. Among them a guy, "Johnny," about 35 and new to city life, who lived downstairs. He got the same treatment we did as he moved in to the building. Johnny could not take it and fought back from the get go. We heard him yelling at the kid and trying to talk to his parents who laughed and turned their backs on him. He talked to our landlord and all of us who live here and we all said the same thing-"he won't bother you if you ignore him." Johnny couldn't take it and would counter everytime the kid did something to annoy him.
Like the kid setting up his boom box under Johnny's window. Johnny's response was to turn on his stereo louder. If the kid came and sat on the stoop Johnny would go our and yell at him and call the police. If the kid threw a cigarette on the lawn he would go out and try to make him pick it up. After 2 months they both became people to avoid.
One morning I heard a leaf blower, my mortal enemy. As I tried to calm myself I realized it was far too high pitched to be a leaf blower. It revved up and down and up and down. I realized what I was hearing- a motorized scooter! It didn't do the doplar thing where you hear it coming and then you hear it going away. It was not moving at all! It was just revving and revving its engine. I tried to go back to sleep but the noise would not stop. So I went downstairs and was truy terrified at what I saw.
The kid, right under Johnny's window, revving his scooter up and down.
It was on.
The kid never stopped with that scooter. I took to wearing earplugs around the house and turning on the captions on tv. Thank god The Wife and I can sign. Oh, there were the random hysterical outbursts of crying of a grumpy grumpy monkey who could not quite muffle the sound. Six or seven in the morning until one or two at night. When it was on I prayed for it to stop and when it was quiet I begged every force in the universe to keep it that way. The summer dragged on and many words were exchanged between Johnny and the kid. The police were called at least once a day and Johnny urged us all to call the cops the second we heard the scooter.
Have I mentioned this is Oakland CA? They don't really have time for 13 year old gangster wanna-be's on motorized razor scooters. We left it up to Johnny and the kid to sort it out and plugged up our ears.
Then one morning I heard the scooter start up and groaned. However it sounded like it was in my yard. So I looked out the window and saw Johnny with a scooter. I SAW Johnny with a scooter. I had a moment of wondering if we should just leave and go visit the grandparents for the weekend. But I calmed down and returned to the newpaper as Johnny rode up and down the streets for hours, revving and revving away.
Then the kid came out and both of them went at it flying up and down our street. It was so awful to hear we decided to go and run errands. As we came out of the house I saw the landlord talking to Johnny. A word about the landlord; he is a nice guy. We really lucked out and as I have never had a landlord worth a damn we know how rare this is and generally take his advice.
Johnny's arms were flailing around and he was talking loudly. Here was the jist. The landlord said please stop with the scooter nonsense we are all going crazy because you are making it twice as bad. Johnny could not take this advice and then the landlord got serious and said you will stop with this because you are harassing the other people who live on the street. So stop with the scooter or move out.
Just as this was said the kid whizzed by on his scooter and overheard the landlord. He laughed and laughed and nearly fell off his scooter. Johnny's face turned red at the laughter and he took off after that kid before anyone of us could stop him. The kid freaked and dropped his scooter in the street and ran. He took off up the hill with Johnny not far behind. Thankfully Johnny was a smoker and didn't make it 50 feet before he was huffing and puffing and trying to yell at the kid who was still laughing and just staying out of reach.
The kid had won.
Johnny laid low and moved out within 2 weeks. The kid triumphantly rode his scooter up and down the street just like before and we just tried to ignore it. A few weeks after Johnny had moved I pulled up at home and saw the kid with a wrench and his scooter disassembled all over the ground.
I didn't even get out of the car. I went to the store and got a bottle of champagne.
I LOVE THIS STORY. There is nothing that can make me as insane as noise when I'm trying to sleep, except for noise when I'm awake. Oh, you poor things.
Posted by: Rachael | August 09, 2007 at 11:48 AM