The Grumpy Monkey

Let's talk about Testosterone.

I never thought taking hormones could make me feel like myself but that is exactly what happened. From the first shot I had this new pleasant grounded feeling. T does not make you feel speedy or give you a false sense of strength, those are not the feelings I am referring to, T has give me a sense of normality. I actually feel normal for the first time in my whole life. That is a good feeling.

I do have to give myself the shots. I could go to the clinic every 2 weeks or ask a friend to help me but I decided I needed to be able to do this on my own. I would say I have a love/hate relationship with injecting the T. The pros are-I can do it when it is convenient to me, I don't have to carry medicine and syringes back and forth to the doctor, and I remain independent. The cons are needles hurt when you poke them into yourself, worrying I will get confused and miss a step in the injection process, and because this is new to me, I sometimes can't inject in the site I picked due to pain and must change needles and try again 3 or 4 times to get the shot in me.

I have hit a vein, which scared the fuck out of me. If I injected into a vein it is a life threatening situation and I must go the the emergency room immediately. The day I hit a vein I had already used 2 needle tips, they dull quick. I finally got the needle into my thigh muscle and then pulled back the plunger to check if i was in a vein and the syringe turned bright red. So I used 4 needle tips, 2  syringes and double the T, it took 30 minutes and by the time I got it into me I was crying.

Funny, T does not stop my prolific ability to cry at any moment.

It's not always so hard nor am I complaining. Think of it more as reporting. That's the facts, that's what happened. It took a week of talking with myself to get my courage up and not go to the doctor for my next shot. Even after all these challenges I still want to give myself the shots.

I have one funny story. Sometimes, when I give myself a shot the T leaks back out. After all that hard work the second I remove the needle that clear liquid I want in me so bad slowly oozes out. That is frustrating in the extreme. The doctor said she cant figure out why and said just sit there for a few minutes and apply pressure. So, after a shot I sit there for 5 minutes, without flexing my thigh, not an easy feat.

Next post I will tell you how you get testosterone and the difficulties of keeping a regular supply on hand.

A very good explanation

Hello All, long time no write. But here I am to clear up what has been going on since September. Let's not beat around the bush-I am transitioning from female-to-male. I am transgendered and have decided it is not healthy for me to continue to express myself as a woman. So, starting in November, I began hormone therapy and am feeling much much better.

A little surprising you say? Well, no one is more surprised than me. After a lot of therapy and giving up drinking I was finally able to see why I have been so unhappy and confused my whole life. I am not a girl. So, when you think of the Monkey now please picture him as a boy monkey.

I guess transitioning is not a good enough reason not to have written for 8 months, this is the Bay Area after all. The other reason I was not writing here was because I was writing a book. A book about my transition. I finished the book last week, not the transition ;). Now I want to find a way to get it published.

I am thinking about posting the first chapter or a couple excerpts here, what do you think?

I also have a lot of stories I will share with you that didn't make it into my book. So check back from time to time, this blog is now back!